


Night Prayer

by Proskenion



Category: Jamestown (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Kissing in Church, Reader Insert, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Romance, does that count as blasphemy or something ?, sin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-31 16:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21148952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Proskenion/pseuds/Proskenion
Summary: Redwick's niece can't sleep, her mind can't find peace, so she goes out in the middle of the night to take some fresh air. But here in the shadow, she notices a familiar figure…A sequel to Blissful Sin.





	Night Prayer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [turnedherbrain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/turnedherbrain/gifts).

> HELLOOOOO ! 
> 
> I wrote this months and months ago and kinda forget about it actually… Thought it was time to post it, so here it is. Hope you'll like it ! 
> 
> Sorry, it's sad :(

The night is bright, and curled up inside your small bed, you cannot rest. Since that blissful night in the wood with Samuel Castell, the Recorder has not talked to you, acknoledged you, not even glanced at you. You start to feel that great pleasure must inevitably be followed by greater pain. Is this because you sinned that you must now suffer so much ? 

The reason of your sufferings feels more practical than that, though. Samuel is avoiding you, and your heart and soul cannot focus on anything else than Samuel. And so you know that all this excrutiating hell you’re going through could instantly turn into an heavenly joy with just a single word from Samuel. 

You feel guilty about Jocelyn, of course. Even if you know she doesn’t love her husband, not the way you do, and even if she can be deceitful, you still like her fondly. Because she is the first friend you made on the ship that brought you here, because you admire her intelligent mind and her boldness, and because you know that since you are both women in a manly world, you will never really be true enemies. A sense of loyalty binds you to her, a sense of loyalty that you have betrayed long ago in thoughts, and now even in action. 

Tortured by your troubled mind, you take your shawl and wrap it around your shoulder before stepping out of your room. You listen carefully and smile when you hear your uncle’s soft snore. As silent and quick as a cat, you fly outside. 

The full moon spreads its light on the quiet settlement. You take a huge breath of fresh air and you feel a bit better already. The cold of the night soothes you. But a few moment later, you perceive a movement from the corner of your eyes, and you instinctively press yourself against the wooden door of your uncle’s house. Holding your breath, you look in the direction of the moving shadow, and your heart skip a beat. It’s Samuel, furtively heading to the church. 

You hardly catch your breath as your heart is ponding harder and stronger against your ribs and your mind is going fast, wondering what to do. Before your mind is completely set, you find yourself running to the church as well. 

You stop at the entrance. Samuel is kneeled directly on the floor at the very end of the main aisle. You stand still at the door, staring at him, for a long while, trying to calm your short breath and your ponding heart. Then you slowly and quietly walk down the aisle and without a single word nor a single, you go kneel beside him, and start praying.   
You feel him moving next to you and hear his sharp breath. You quickly glance in his direction but don’t dare to move. 

« What are you doing ? » Samuel asks, a bit sharply. As sharply as he can, at least, which is not much. He probably is the sweetest man you ever met. 

« Praying, » you answer in a low voice, still not daring to move. 

But as you feel him move to stand up, you immediately turn to him, saying :

« Stay, please. »

You realise as he looks down that you’ve put your hand on his wrist, and immediately take it away. 

« Pray with me, » you add softly.

« What would you need to pray for ? » he asks.

« For lifting whatever weight on your heart. » 

He looks at you with such intensity that you feel like his gaze is piercing through you like snowdrops through the snow. Then he looks away, as if on the verge of tears, and you think you’ve never seen him sadder. 

« I should go, » he utters slowly.

« You’ve been avoiding me, » you say before he can go. 

He turns his sad eyes towards you and your heart aches at the sight of the tears he tries to hold. 

« I was too ashamed to even look at you, » he explains with the most sorrowful voice. « What I did was wrong, in any ways. I betrayed my wife, and I soiled you. I am… »

« Soiled me ? » you cut him short, your cheeks burning. « You didn’t soil me. I gave myself to you willingly, knowingly, and if it were to be done again, I would, without a single thought. I did it because I love you, and I regret nothing. I’m yours forever now, and I’m the happiest woman in the world. »

« You don’t know what you’re saying. »

« I perfectly know what I’m saying. And let me tell you this : you’ve hurt me much more the past few days by avoiding me than you think you that night. I love you, » you insists on each of those three words, « and I understand, I know that we can’t be together, but I’d rather have a life where I’m still your friend, than a life without you addressing me a single word. »

He looks at you with the same sadness and intensity than before, and you think his silence is going to kill you. You are both on your knees, face to face in the darkness of the church, and it feels like the walls are oppressing and condemning you. 

« It’s not… I shouldn’t… The way I feel about… About you… »

The way Samuel is babbling, barely holding his tears, is tearing your soul apart. You take both his hands in his and kiss his fingers, wetting his skin with your own tears.   
« I’m begging you, » you sob. 

He sighs, intertwining his fingers with yours without even realising it. Closing his eyes and lowering his face in defeat, he whispers :

« This is going to be difficult, so difficult. Seeing you everyday, prentending… Prentending I’m not… I’m not good at prentending, you know, » he suddenly chuckles, though without joy. 

« You’ll manage, » you say, softly putting your hand on his cheek, « we’ll manage. » 

He opens his eyes and looks up to you. Slowly, though without hesitation, you come closer in an attempt to kiss him, but draws back. 

« What are you doing ? » he asks, sounding more scare than scandalised. 

« One last kiss, » you plead softly, « one last sin. As a farewell. » 

He does not resist when you press your lips against his. On the contrary, he almost immediately answers to it by pulling you closer, opening his lips to welcome your tongue. The kissi s long and passionate and has a taste of violence and defeat, as the last attempt of a dying creature clinging to what’s left of its life. When your mouths part, the impression of the kiss stays on your lips, mingled with the salt of your tears. Samuel looks down and slowly gets up. 

« I leave you to your prayer, » he utters with difficulty, swallowing back his sobs. « Ask God to watch kindly on our troubled souls. »

His hands brushes your shoulders as he leaves. You watch him walking away, and when you’re left alone in the cold, dark church, you let your sorrow wash over you and burst into tears. 

It takes you a long while to finally calm down. You wipe away your tears and look up at the ceilling, wondering if any of God’s angels has heard you cry. But were you really worthy of their pity ? 

You walk out the church and realise it is almost dawn. You look at the sky and wipe away one last tear. In the distance, near his forge, you notice James Read, looking at you with his arms crossed on his chest. You swallow, your heart sinking in your stomach. He gives you a brief, single nod, meaning that no matter what he knows, your secret his safe with him. You nod back, a way to tell you understood him and are grateful. Then you hurry to your uncle’s house, as quietly as possible. 

You slip inside your bed, hoping to have a little rest before the day to come, but knowing you probably won’t. Your heart is heavy, your soul is sore. 

Is it because you sinned that you must now suffer so much ?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading !


End file.
